The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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