youre lurking in front of me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize