I think i peed on brittanys purse
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
