I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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