My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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