the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
