I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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