The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
