we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
nutella sex= disaster
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
