I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
