so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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