i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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