Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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