My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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