no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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