that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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