Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
