I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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