i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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