Will you blow on my dice?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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