I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
