I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
