finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
