The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
