Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
