I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
