im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
