Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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