If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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