i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
