you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
