the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it