I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
