Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was like eating out sand paper
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
