I accidentally had phone sex last night
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea