Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
