Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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