i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
