hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
one might say we're banned from that church
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
