If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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