Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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