he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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