Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
