you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
