this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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