when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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