is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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