So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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