I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
