I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
