Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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