I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
