Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
