i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
