i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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