i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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