I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
