turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
