Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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