what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
what day is it and did you see me today?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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