apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
