It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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