Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
