I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
