Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
That accounts for only three of the penises
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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