drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
